Fold My Laundry Please

I was cleaning the downstairs bathroom today when I was forced to defend my family from a ferocious beast!  As I wiped down the mirror, a fairly large wolf spider crawled out from behind it.  I must tell you all that I am TERRIFIED of spiders!  Spiders are not my friends!  My normal reaction to a spider (especially one the size of that monster today) is to scream, run, curl up in a ball, and cry until someone squashes it flat and disposes of the remains.  Even then, I still avoid the spot as though it was unclean for at least an hour or two.  Anyway, this ginormous creature crawled out from behind the mirror and, quite naturally, I screamed at the top of my lungs.  I could not run however since I would have to get within 6 inches of the predator in order to get out the door.  I was trapped.

So what did I do?  Well, unable to take my eyes off the beast for fear of it disappearing somewhere and then not knowing where it might be, yet horrified by its very appearance (a dilemma, I know), I reached to my left for the nearest weapon-ish thing I could get my hands on…the Clorox Clean-Up.  I aimed the bottle, squeezed the trigger, and…nuthin’!  I had foolishly underestimated the dangers that the bathroom might hold and turned the nozzle to the "off" position when I last used it.  Darn me and my child-safety habits!  *shakes fist at self*  Without looking away from my nemesis, I fumbled with the nozzle until it felt like it was in the right position.  Again, I took aim, I squeezed the trigger, and BULLS-EYE!!  I had even unknowingly turned the nozzle to the "stream" position!  I soaked the eight-legged sucker!  Many times!  I didn’t even feel any remorse as I watched him stumble around the counter top for a bit before he finally succumbed and curled up into a little ball.  I am woman!  Hear me roar!

Then I was faced with disposal of the remains.  The spider lay there in a lake of Clorox Clean-Up while I sat there frozen in place, trying to gain enough control of myself to reach out and brush the body into the sink.  Eventually, I sucked in my breath and got over myself, grabbed a huge handful of paper towels (I figured I would need them to wipe up all the Clorox, anyway) and swept him into the sink and washed him down the drain.  That’s when I noticed that despite my desperate scream in the beginning, no one had even come to see what was going on, much less rush to my aid!  I mean, here I am defending their very lives (yes the spider was that big) and no one even noticed that I was in peril!  I’m thinking maybe I oughta get one of those medical alert bracelets, just in case anything truly serious ever happens!

And just so you know, I braved the vastness of the internet to find a cute, cartoony picture of a spider that wouldn’t cause a stroke every time I looked at it!  Just for you!  Because pictures are pretty!  

Aurora and I were sitting together this evening playing the "Where’s your (insert body part here)?" game.  I would ask, "Where’s Mommy’s nose?" and she would poke my nose.  "Where’s Mommy’s eyes?" and she would stab at my eye sockets.  That’s when we hit a snag in the game.  "Where’s Mommy’s hair?"  Hmmmm…where is Mommy’s hair?  I asked again.  "Where’s Mommy’s hair?"  Is it these things on the side of her head?  "No, those are Mommy’s ears.  Where’s Mommy’s hair?"  Maybe her nose is also called her hair, let’s poke at it a bit.  "No, that’s Mommy’s nose.  Where’s Mommy’s hair?"  Suddenly I hear Gideon shout from the bathroom in a very annoyed tone of voice.  "You’ve gotta be kidding me!  It’s on top of your head!"  So now I finally know where my hair is!  It will make brushing my hair in the morning so much easier!

Aurora and I continued the game, but now, she wasn’t getting any of them right.  She kept poking at my ears no matter what part I asked about.  After about 10 attempts to get her to point to my eyes, she poked my ears really hard and said, "ERRS!"  Apparently the game had changed from ,"I’ll Ask and You Point", to "You Point and I’ll Name It" without me realizing it.  My children are 5, 3, and 19 months and I’m already "uncool".  I’m gonna assume it’s stress from packing everything up because I happen to know for a fact that I am supercool!  Also, I’m pretty familiar with the names of my body parts, even my ears.

Hello all!  Long time, no write!  I want to first of all apologize for my absense.  Do not forget to get your flu shot each year, people!!!  Trust me on this one.  I was stuck on my back for the better part of three weeks with Influenza A and believe it or not, it wasn’t fun.  I made sure that everyone in our family had their flu shots taken care of.  Husband:  check!  All three children:  check!  Me?  Not so much!  Yes people, I am such an amazing wife and mother that I totally forgot about myself in my complete obsession with my family’s welfare! 

Anyway, I’m up and running again, mostly, though I might not be posting nearly as often as I would like in the near future.  Which brings me to my exciting news…may I have a drumroll please?  My family and I are moving to Portland, Oregon!  In like a week and a half!  Actually, Andrew is there already, so I’ve been busily trying to get things done so that the rest of us can join him there on April 3rd.  I am so grateful to my in-laws because they are coming over everyday after they get done with work to help me pack up EVERYTHING!  And this time around, I am not moving all the clothes that I haven’t worn in years (can you say seven large garbage bags full of just my clothes donated to Deseret Industries?), the toys that don’t get played with anymore, the furniture that never fits no matter where we live, etc.  I am getting rid of our stuff, and only moving our things this time.  Needless to say, I may be too busy to post much until after we get to Portland.  But I will be back, I swear!

Also, many of you may be happy to hear of the triumphal return of Butterfly Monkey!  About four or five days ago, I was trying to reach something under Aurora’s bed that I had dropped when I noticed a little hand poking out from under a storage box that we keep under there.  I’m not sure how he ended up under the storage box because it’s really heavy, but as soon as Aurora saw it, she let out a happy squeal and then ran out of the room with him to show Daddy.  Definitely a happy ending to that story!

And so I bid you a very temporary adieu.  I must get packing!