Fold My Laundry Please

I’ve been firmly convinced that we’re getting the best deal possible with my current auto insurance for some time now.  Does that mean I’m being cruel to agree to have other insurance companies write up a quote for me and then giggle silently as they stammer through a phone call telling me what I already know?  That they can’t beat the deal I already have?  Possibly.  Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

Tuesday morning I had a dentist appointment.  I am afraid of the dentist.  My appointment was to have to cavities filled; you know, drilling and such.  The very thought of which filled me with terror.  Sunday evening I had looked at the calendar and noticed the appointment.  I resolved to find a sitter for that morning so that I could quake with fright in peace.  By Monday afternoon, I had procrastinated finding a sitter until it was now considered rude for me to call someone.  Too bad.  I would just have to cancel the appointment.  The dentist’s receptionist informed me, however, that since I was the only appointment that entire morning, the kids could sit in the lobby and color and one of the hygienists would keep an eye on them for me.  Oh.  Good.  Back to shivering in my boots.  Have I mentioned I’m afraid of the dentist? 

Because I’m a complete and total coward, I woke up Tuesday determined to call the receptionist, tell her the kids were sick, and cancel the appointment.  I would simply make an appointment at a new dentist once we were all settled in after we moved.  I picked up the phone and hesitated.  In that brief moment of hesistation, I realized that if I cancelled this appointment, I would never make a new one.  I mean, it took me close to a decade just to get myself into the dentist for a check up.  Getting actual dental surgery, minor though it may be?  It would never get done.  So I hopped in the shower, got the kids ready, promised them McDonald’s if they were good and headed off for the dentist. 

I walked into the office, sat in the chair, was positioned so that all the blood ran to my head, and the procedure commenced.  The dentist filled my mouth with cotton wadding and then told me that we would try this without any novacaine.  The cavities were small, and the whole thing would be over quicker if they didn’t have to wait for novacaine to kick in.  Wait.  What?!?!  Without novacaine?  WITHOUT NOVACAINE!  That was when I realized why this man didn’t have any other appointments that morning.  He was clearly a sadist.  But, as I’ve pointed out before, I’m a chicken when it comes to dentistry.  Unable to stand up for myself, try it without novacaine I did.  The first tooth had me jumping at a few minor zings, but wasn’t too bad really.  The second tooth, however, made me want to cry like a little girl.  Novacaine was administered, and the process continued, without waiting for the novacaine to fully take effect.  Like I said, the man is a sadist.

The children were all incredibly well behaved, infant included.  So off to McDonald’s we went.  I pulled into the drive-thru (had to avoid that playground), placed our order, and was heading towards the house when the novacaine kicked in.  Dismayed though I was that I would soon be dribbling soda and french fries down my chin due to the right side of my face being completely numb, I’m thoroughly relieved to have gotten my teeth taken care of finally.  So the moral of the story is that if you take ten years to get yourself to the dentist instead of going every six months as recommended, you’ll most likely need more work done that just a simple cleaning.  And when you get that more extensive dental work done, it most assuredly won’t be fun.  Lesson learned.  I’ll definitely only wait 5 years to schedule my next dental checkup.

Introducing Aubrey May!

All bundled up!

So new and so tired!

Just look at all that hair!

Nap time…again.

I have so many eager helpers!

Sisters are special!

Gideon was so excited to hold his new little sister!

I think Ethan loves her.

It’s good to be loved!

We have some big news at our house!  But I decided to be a little bit cryptic about it, just for fun!  To find out what our important announcement is, simply highlight and copy the section of binary code below:

01010111 01100101 01101100 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110111 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01110100 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100001 00100000 00100000 01000001 01110101 01100010 01110010 01100101 01111001 00100000 01001101 01100001 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01100010 01101111 01110010 01101110 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01010011 01100101 01110000 01110100 01100101 01101101 01100010 01100101 01110010 00100000 00110001 00110101 01110100 01101000 00101100 00100000 00110010 00110000 00110000 00110111 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 00110001 00111010 00110100 00110011 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100001 00100000 00100000 01010011 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01100101 01101001 01100111 01101000 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01100001 01110100 00100000 00111000 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100100 01110011 00100000 00110001 00110000 00100000 01101111 01110101 01101110 01100011 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 00110010 00110000 00101110 00110101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100011 01101000 01100101 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111 00100001 00100000 00100000 01000011 01100101 01101100 01100101 01100010 01110010 01100001 01110100 01101001 01101111 01101110 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101111 01110010 01100100 01100101 01110010 00100001 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010

Then go to this website and paste the code into the binary translator.  Make sure you use the box on the right hand side, and then click on "DECODE" just below it.  Your secret message will appear in the box on the left.  Have fun!

Ethan and Gideon were rough housing a bit last night before bedtime.  As usual, the fun took a turn for the worse and someone ended up crying.  In this case, the injured party was Ethan.  I called Gideon over to have a little talk with him.  I held his head in my hands and made him look me right in the eyes as we talked.

Me:  Gideon, there is to be no hitting, no biting, and no pinching.  Do you understand me?

Gideon:  *pouting*  Yes.

Me:  Okay.  Now repeat what I just told you back to me.

Gideon:  *still pouting*  There is to be no hitting, no biting, and no pinching…

Me:  Very good.

Gideon:  …And no laughing, no smiling, no funning…

Me:  Alright wise guy!

So in the world of a 4 year old, by prohibiting violence, I have essentially banned all happiness from life!  Mission accomplished!

     I woke up early on the morning of September 11th.  I got my breakfast ready and turned on NPR just like I always did.  I was 6 months pregnant with my first child and was happily feeling the little kicks and hiccups from inside me, not really listening to the radio, just letting it play on in the background.

     Suddenly it dawned on me that the voices sounded kind of panicked.  I started paying attention to the words and heard two men saying things like, "Did you see that!?!?!" and "If you’re near a TV, please turn it on!"  I remember feeling kind of confused that experienced radio guys would be so vague in their descriptions about what they were seeing.  I got up and turned on the television to see what the commotion was.  I was a little annoyed that they hadn’t told us what channel the fuss was on, but I figured that I would flip channels until I found something that might merit the reaction I was hearing.

     I needn’t have worried, it was on every single channel.  Images of a burning building, smoke and ash, panic-stricken people running through the streets, a nearly constant replay of film of a plane swerving into the World Trade Center.  I watched in shock, thinking it must have been some terrible accident, not really understanding the sheer numbers of people that were in the building yet.  I realized I had left the radio on and I noticed that the two men were crying, nearly wailing.  I left the radio on.  Then the phone rang.  It was my husband.  He was in the Air Force at the time and he and his fellow crew members were sitting inside around the television.  "Did you hear about what happened?  Turn on the TV!"  He said he’d call me later, there were several other people waiting to use the phone. 

     That’s when the magnitude of what was happening hit me.  I crumpled down to the ground and started crying; the two men on the radio were still weeping and the television was now showing pictures of the Pentagon and a plane wreck in Pennsylvania.  A report was being given about a group of parents trying to find out if their children at a daycare center nearby were still alive.  A little while later, the tale of a brave group of daycare workers and their flight from the building with all of the children was told.  It was the first of many examples of heroism to be discussed from that day.  And still I cried.  I cried so long and so hard that I started having contractions.  They weren’t very close together, but they were definitely regular.  I laid down on the couch and tried to make myself calm down.  Eventually, I had to turn the television off.

     The next few days were filled with constant news coverage.  Revelations about the organization and the men who pulled off the attack were given.  The story of a heroic group of passengers that refused to let a group of terrorists turn them into a weapon of mass destruction was told.  The nation exploded in red, white, and blue.  People turned to religion again.  Our economy took a momentary dive and it became our civic duty to make large purchases.  (The terrorists thought they could kill American capitalism…the flurry of buying that took place after the attacks proves otherwise.  Alan Greenspan is a genius!)  You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing a television on and tuned to the news.  Already, people were wearing T-shirts glorifying the New York Fire Department, Port Authority, and Police Department.  My husband stopped at the grocery store on his way home from the base, still wearing his uniform.  People stepped out of line to let him go first.  Others applauded as he walked by.  Me, my heart nearly stopped with the realization that we were at war and my husband could be called away at a moment’s notice.

     A lot has happened since then.  We still haven’t found Osama Bin Laden, but we keep searching.  Someday the wounds will heal and maybe we’ll even be able to talk about that day without welling up with tears.  Until then, we’ll keep our flags on display and we’ll continue to celebrate our nation with pride.

Did you know that it takes only two very short minutes to melt through a margarine container when you set it on the stove and then inexplicably turn the burner on "high"?  However, it takes approximately 30 to 40 minutes to scrape the melted plastic off sufficiently so that your stovetop does not emit toxic chemicals every single time you turn it on.  Thought you should know.

P.S.  Did you guys realize that I actually took a picture of my butter?  Just for you.  I love you just that much.  You’re welcome.

I’m baring myself to prove to the world that human skin is about 50 times more stretchy than doctors would lead you to believe!  I have been feeling like a blimp the last week or so.  I am sooooooo ready to have this baby and she just doesn’t seem to want to come out!  The last four or five days have been one long series of, "I’ve been having contractions every ten minutes for the last three hours!  Let’s make sure my hospital bag is ready!" alternating with, "Guess it stopped.  Now I’m sad.  I better eat Twix bars until I’m happy again." and quickly followed by, "Oh, the heartburn!  Make it stop!"

On the positive side, my hospital bag is now definitely ready, complete with crossword puzzles and reading material.  Also, my house has been kept neater than ever before on a constant basis for fear that I will go into labor and the woman who has graciously volunteered to be our on-call babysitter 24/7 (Thank you, Heidi!) has to try to find our children under a pile of unfolded laundry and crushed cheerios.

Personally, I think the baby is just trying to time her entrance into the world so that Dad can get the maximum amount of time off of work to be with us.  Because she’s thoughtful like that.  Which means she’ll be born this Friday at approximately 5 pm pacific time.  Anyone wanna place bets?

My family was sitting in the living room singing songs while I washed up the dinner dishes this evening.  They sang a few favorites like "Popcorn Popping" and "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" among others.  Then they started in on "The Wheels On the Bus".

Everyone:  The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round, ’round and ’round, ’round and ’round.  The wheels on the bus go ’round and ’round, all through the town!

Everyone:  The babies on the bus go…

Ethan:  Poop, poop, poop!

*massive eruption of giggles*

Everyone:  The mommies on the bus go…

Gideon:  Don’t make me spank you!

*giggles turn to laughter*

Everyone:  The mommies on the bus go…

Ethan:  WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!

*laughter increases*

Everyone:  The mommies on the bus go…

Gideon:  I WILL BEAT YOU AND BEAT YOU IF YOU DON’T STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

By this time, everyone had started laughing so hard that it became impossible to continue the song any further.  That, and because we try to keep the maniacal violence and references to child abuse in our childrens’ songs to a minimum.  And really, once you’ve reached the peak of comic genius, why drag the evening back down to mediocrity?

Rest in peace, Maestro.  Your voice was so beautiful.  We will miss you.

Grazie, Pavarotti.