Fold My Laundry Please

To hopefully enhance the benefits of my new life as an Athletic Super Momma, I started taking flax seed oil capsules.  It was highly recommended by my beloved hubby, and since he has done a ton of research about all things exercise oriented, I tend to trust his recommendations.  (And believe it or not, he doesn’t restrict all of his research to the internet like I do.  Sometimes he talks to actual people!  I KNOW!)  The problem is this:  the pills are HUGE!  GINORMOUS, as my 4 year old would say!  They could possibly choke a horse.  No lie.  Needless to say, it sets my gag reflex off just looking at the darn things.

Tonight, after my workout, was the first time I took one of these pills.  I got my great big glass of water and readied myself, water in one hand, pill in the other.  I bent my knees slightly (so as to provide any necessary leverage, you see)  and bounced the pill around in my hand a little bit.  "You can do this," I told myself.  "It only looks big.  You. Can. Do. This."  I glanced up at the members of my family who were seated around the table eating dinner.

My husband smiled at me and said encouragingly, "I hope it doesn’t go down sideways!"  Then he burst out laughing.  It was at this point that the children decided to join in the cheering.  Shouts of "Don’t choke, Mommy!" and, "How are you gonna swallow that?" filled the room.  My personal favorite came when Ethan started chanting, "Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!  Go!" as though I had been magically transported to a college frat house kegger, minus the keg.

I, of course, started laughing at the ridiculousness of the situtation.  This caused me difficulty in my pill taking, however.  As many of you know, it has been scientifically proven that it is difficult to swallow anything when you can’t wipe the smile off your face.  You can ask any scientist.  Go on.  They’ll tell you.  I tried in vain to get over my giggles.  That’s when I decided to duck into the little bathroom just off of our kitchen so that I could have some privacy.  But as any mom can tell you, privacy is merely a fantasy that moms fill their day dreams with while scrubbing poop smears off of the walls, tying their childrens’ shoes, and nursing the baby.  All at the same time.  Moms are nothing if not versatile.

I got myself in the bathroom and closed the door behind me.  I went to turn the lock when I realized I had a problem.  With my water in one hand and the horse pill in the other, I couldn’t lock the door.  Meanwhile, my loving husband had positioned himself just outside of the bathroom door so that I could still hear him chuckling.  He’s thoughtful like that.  And Ethan had begun shouting his chant so that I would still be able to hear it.  "GO!  GO!  GO!  GO!  GO!  GO!  GO!  GO!"  He inherited his thoughtfulness from his father, it seems.  I decided to use my bare foot to wedge the door shut and get this pill taking over with.  Suddenly, from the crack under the door, I heard a little voice saying, "Mommy?  Are you okay in there?"  That’s when the little fingers started reaching under the door and poking me between the toes. 

I jumped back, tossed the pill in my mouth, and downed most of my glass of water, hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t turn sideways on the way down.  Then door burst open to reveal my family, cheering me on!  I stepped out of the bathroom and raised my arms in triumph like a prize-fighter declaring their supremacy!  Huzzah!  Everyone shouted their hurrays and then we returned to our regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.  And all I could think was that if every mom had this kind of support from their families, the world would be a much more frustrating happier place!