Fold My Laundry Please

It would seem that we are going to go straight from this…

…to this.

Oh, hi!

Were you taking pictures?  I love taking pictures!

Humor-Blogs.com always tries to jump in front of the camera, too.  What a ham. 

Spring break is here, my pretties!  And I have been saving a ton of gas not having to drive all over town playing chauffeur.  I’m just sad that it’s Thursday already.  I had big plans for this week.  I was going to thoroughly scrub all three bathrooms instead of doing the constant touch and go as usual.  The carpets were all going to be steam cleaned.  The boxes from moving?  They were going to be broken down and carted away.

What I’ve managed to do is exactly nothing.  I’ve read a few books.  I spent a day watching movies with the kids.  I sat in a chair watching Aubrey crawl all over the floor babbling happily and eating scraps of paper she finds.  I made a tent with blankets and hid inside of it, only emerging, roaring and growling, when a child attempted to invade my little hideaway.  I’ve only left the house to go to the gym. 

In short, it’s been blissful!  But it doesn’t leave much for me to talk about with you guys.  I mean, what would I tell you?  "Today, I read a mystery with a cookie theme, and guess what?  The person you least suspected did it!  Then I read a mystery with a chocolate theme, and guess what?  The person you least suspected did it!"  While I do enjoy some light, highly predictable reading from time to time, it’s not really something I think makes good blog fodder.

Lucky for you guys, I also spent a fair amount of time looking at nonsense on the internet!  (Did you know they have the internet on computers now?)  Mostly what I looked at were videos.  Of Mr. T.  DO NOT JUDGE ME!  Even better, they’re all 30 seconds or less!

Now tell me you don’t love that man!  He tough but he love his momma!  Fool! 

Humor-Blogs.com pities the fool who doesn’t click on their link! 

The other day I experienced the worst kind of revelation.  I’m sure you’ve experienced it, too.  It’s the kind of revelation you receive as you’re rushing out the door, pushing children ahead of you, locking and shutting the door behind you, arms loaded down with diaper bag, toys, sippy cups…everything.  Everything except one of the more important things.  Your keys.  That kind of revelation feels like you just swallowed a huge, frozen rock. 

You know what’s no fun?  Standing in your garage, locked out of your house, with a baby in your arms, a 2 and a 4 year old running around your legs, and a 6 year old expecting you to pick him up in 20 minutes while your keys sit on the kitchen counter, right where you set them mere minutes ago.  You know.  So that you wouldn’t forget them. 

*sigh*

Did you know I have a rather mediocre repertoire of swear words?

After spending a few minutes contemplating which window I should break to get back in, I came to my senses and began the quest to find a neighbor that was home so that I could use their phone.  (I forgot to mention that my cell phone was sitting on the kitchen counter next to my keys.  You know.  So that I wouldn’t forget it.)  It didn’t take long.  The second house I tried had teenagers that had just gotten home from school.  They were nice enough to loan me one of their hot pink, bling covered, cell-phones and I was lucky enough to remember Andrew’s cell number.   

After Andrew agreed to pick Ethan up from school and then come home to let me back in the house, I went back to the garage and watched Gideon and Aurora ride around the driveway on tricycles.  We had to wait 45 whole minutes!  That’s just enough time for a two year old to fall off a tricycle three times.  It’s just a good thing I had a package of Skittles in my bag or else we might have starved to death!  I’m nothing if not prepared!

Humor-Blogs.com knows much better swear words than I do. 

I tried to put a cake in the oven so that it could bake while the kids had their bed time bath and then I could eat it after they were in bed.  After bath time, Ethan said, "What’s that smell?" 

"What smell?" I innocently replied.

"That wonderfully glorious smell!"

Guess I can’t sneak cake in this house!

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I walked into the kids’ playroom to find my oldest, Ethan, wearing one of those toy stethoscopes in his ears and holding the part you place on the patient up in the air.  Gideon and Aurora were standing in front of him, staring with rapt attention at Ethan.  Ethan stared off into space and in a most serious manner asked, "Can you hear my thoughts?"

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During prayers the other night, Gideon said, "Thank you for Mommy and Daddy and Ethan and Aurora and Aubrey and thank you for the HOLY MOLY!"

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The boys were telling each other knock-knock jokes in between fighting with each other and Aurora though it looked like lots of fun.  She ran up to me and said, "Knock, knock!"

"Who’s there?"

"MEEEEEEEEEE!!" 

Today I hit the big 33.  But honestly, I don’t feel a day over 45!

Wanna see why it’s a good thing to have birthday right after receiving a tax refund?

And I believe I love it! 

Humor-Blogs.com wishes they had a new iPhone, too! 

Tonight, Andrew and I discovered that we don’t even have to tell actual jokes in order to get ourselves laughing uncontrollably.  We need only mention a punchline to a favorite joke and we end up rolling around on the floor, clutching our stomachs, and laughing like hyenas!

"Sorry sir, I’m a frayed knot!"

"Superman, you’re a funny guy!"

"He said something about a job."

"I don’t know, but my bum sure hurts!"

"Wrecked ‘im?  Darn near killed him!"

See what I mean?  Pure comedy gold!  Also?  A major time saver.  Comedy for very busy people.  It’s the latest thing. 

So tell me, what are some of your favorite punchlines? 

Humor-Blogs.com knows all the good punchlines! 

I was feeling a tad bit poetic today, so I sat myself down with a pen and a notepad with the intent of gettin’ down to some serious poetin’.  Aaaand…nuthin’. Zip. Nil. I would say I drew a blank if only I had put pen to paper, but ink ne’er besmirched wood pulp.  The only verses even slightly poetic running through my mind all began with, "There once was a girl from Nantucket."  And I’m pretty sure I’ve heard that one before.  So I had strawberry shortcake instead.  We all did, in fact.  And as I watched Aurora pull her hair back with a head band in that carelessly fashionable way that only a two year old could pull off, and then dive face first, mouth wide open, into a huge pile of whipped cream, it hit me.  I had found my muse.

So, without further ado,

I’ve written for you 

A whipped cream haiku.

I can see your tears of joy, but, please, no applause!
 

Humor-Blogs.com always maintains a 5-7-5 syllabic structure!

…here at Chez Laundry…

The one…

The only… 

THE HALF-PINT VAUDEVILLIANS!!!

…read a book that every one around seemed to be reading and raving about but found it to be forced, cliche, and, well, kind of lame?  My husband and I just finished reading (technically listening to; we’re all about the audio books) Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.  For those of you who don’t know, it’s a vampire love story and the main character is a teenage girl (Bella) who falls in love with a 100 year old vampire (Edward).  Shortly before Aubrey was born, I saw that a couple of acquaintances whose blogs I read had posted reviews about the third book in the series, Eclipse, and had gone on and on about how good it was and how good the series as a whole is.  Then my church’s book club decided to read Twilight that same month.  I nearly read it and attended my first ever book club meeting just based on what I’d read about it so far.  What I did instead was download it off of Audible.com, set it up on my iTunes account, and then forget about it until two weeks ago. 

That was when it happened.  We spent several evenings listening to it and generally making fun of the book.  Suffice it to say, it was like an audio version of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  The narrator read the book, trying hard to impart an emotion other than the "OhmyGOODness!  Gag me with a spoon!" attitude one expects from the stereotypical high school drama queen.  The writing was…lacking at best.  There was one sentence where the author used the word "immeasurable" three different times referring to three different nouns.  In one sentence.  I kid you not.  Also?  If Bella had used the word "perfect" or "beautiful" to describe Edward one more time, I may have had to mail the author a thesaurus.  Or perhaps this instead…

I guess I had such a rough time in high school that I truly don’t want to hear anymore about it.  I’m really glad I didn’t end up going to that book club meeting.  I doubt they would have appreciated anything I had to say about it at all!  So why, oh why, am I looking forward to listening to the rest of the series?  Perhaps I should just leave it to the teen demographic it was aimed at.