How to Get Out of Doing Yard Work in Six Short Steps
Our yard is becoming a mess. The grass could use a trim and the weeds are getting out of hand. I thought about hiring one of the teenagers from church, but today we had lovely weather so I decided that I would get out there and take care of it myself. Our yard is not that big; it would take 2 hours, tops. And besides, I’m not one of those people who thinks they can save the nation and the economy by paying some 19 year old sap $8 an hour to do my dirty work for me. I pay $5 an hour. With a $20 cap. No negotiations.
But here’s the thing. I don’t like to do yard work. So now I’m faced with the dilemma of how to get out of it. You know, without looking lazy. I believe I began formulating my master plan while I was upstairs changing the baby’s diaper, though I didn’t know it at the time. I finished up diaper duty, picked up the baby, and then headed downstairs. I was about halfway down when I put my plan into action. I proceeded to slip and fall down the steps…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Get it? Getting out of yard work in six steps? I am incredibly clever!
Pain makes me giddy.
Heroically enough, I managed to keep the baby safe. Sadly, I broke my big toe. OH, SNAP! Get it? Snap? HAHA! HAHA! Hahahahaha! Heh…
I’m dizzy.
At first I thought I might have broken my foot and would have to go to the emergency room. The pain was terrible and was radiating all the way up to my knee. I was forced to lay back in the La-Z-Boy with my feet up and read a good book. Fortunately, it felt almost completely better after about 4 hours of intense resting. Unfortunately, my children sensed this and proceeded to conduct a series of stomping, kicking, jumping moves on my poor little piggy. All it wanted to do was go to market. Is that so wrong?
The children were put to bed with much haste and as little spanking as possible.
Now that I think of it, I must have been planning this out hours ahead of time. In case you forgot, I was a boyscout in my youth, and I live by the boy scout motto, "When in doubt, eat chocolate!" Or is it, "Be prepared"? Whatever. Anyway, I had made sure to go grocery shopping without eating anything first earlier in the day. That way I could blame my hunger for the fact that I came home with a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough and no intention whatsoever of baking any cookies. And we all know that cookie dough is one of the main staples of food therapy.
So you guys don’t have to worry about me. I’m sitting around with my feet up, avoiding housework, and eating some raw cookie dough. Don’t worry, Ma. I’m drinking milk with it.
Excellent. All is going according to plan……
You can help me manage my pain by clicking here.
Bless yo heart, sugah. I’m sorry you hurt yourself. Sadly, I think your ploy will only work for about a day, then everyone will have forgotten your plight and start bugging you for stuff. i hope not though. Feel better soon!
Comment by MereCat — June 1, 2008 @ 8:26 am
So sorry you had to go through so much trouble to get out of yardwork. I am lucky that my hus loves gardening and mowing. It is his way to escape from me and the kids!
Your boyscout story is hilarious.
Also sorry to read about Andrew and his loss of job.
Comment by Heidi — June 1, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
I’m so sorry you broke your toe. I’m glad it wasn’t anything else.
My best yard helper was that man of yours. I was missing him yesterday, when we put the garden in. Kiss him for me, and give the rake.
Comment by mom — June 1, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
Oh. My. Holy. Heck.
I’m glad that you’re feeling better.
And here I was feeling all sorry for myself because my hands HURT (and how am I supposed to comment and blog with sore hands … oh, well, my fingers don’t hurt. Never mind.) from working on our backyard (read: Jungleland where blackberry vines are trying to turn it into a facsimile of Sleeping Beauty’s castle. UGH! D*** thorns!!!).
And, yes, chocolate is a panacea … for everything except obesity, I suppose. Maybe even that.
Take care and feel better!!
Comment by Allanna — June 1, 2008 @ 7:46 pm
You my dear are deviously brilliant. Now why didn’t I think of that!!
Comment by Claudia — June 2, 2008 @ 4:57 am
Claudia - It’s similar to how you got out of exercising. In fact, I believe I got my inspiration from you. The only difference is that you found a scapegoat to blame. So while I will forever be known as the clumsy one who falls down the stairs, you will be the innocent victim of Karen’s nefarious plot! I tip my hat to you!
Comment by Melissa/Fold My Laundry Please — June 2, 2008 @ 1:35 pm
OH NO! Sorry you’re hurt!
I “feel” ya on the yard work. haha Sorry…that was bad.
I hate it too!! I leave it all up to Matt and my mom to do. I can’t even water a plant on time!
Comment by Nicole - Raising Animals — June 3, 2008 @ 6:23 pm
NO WAY! I broke my big toe two months ago. It hurts like the dickens doesn’t it? I hope your back to 100% quickly so you can jump on that yard work….NOT! I hate yard work too….except for planting flowers (on a cool day in the shade). Just wait…in a few years, having all those kids will really pay off. They will mow, trim, weed and rake for room and board (and a bit of allowance). It’s awesome!
Comment by teresa — June 4, 2008 @ 3:22 am