Fold My Laundry Please

I’ve been asked to give everyone another week to send in videos for the "Where On Earth" video project.  Since I’ve received a total of three videos so far, I think I’ll go ahead and push the date back to July 27th.  Got that, people?  Send in your videos to foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com by Sunday, July 27th and put "Where On Earth" in the subject heading. 

And this time I mean it! 

As if Firefly weren’t enough. 

As if life would have been the same without Buffy…

…and Angel. 

Joss Whedon has done it again.

So go here, and watch all three acts.  You won’t regret it.

Humor-Blogs.com.  Shiny. 

Personally, I blame gas prices for the whole thing.  If gas wasn’t so danged expensive, I would never have gone searching for ways to increase fuel efficiency when the possibility of Andrew going on a little road trip arose.  But it did so I did and before I knew it, we were off to Walmart to buy car washing and waxing supplies.  Apparently a hand wax job done on your vehicle will decrease wind resistence thereby increasing fuel efficiency.  This is why I knowingly paid $3.28 for a canister of evil.

Turtle Wax!  I shake my fist at thee!  AAUUUGGGHH!!! 

The washing part was easy.  I mean, it’s only a Toyota Yaris.  That’s nearly a Matchbox car.   It doesn’t take long to handwash a Matchbox car.  Although, now that I think of it, this would’ve made the whole thing a LOT easier!

But we made pretty short work of it and while Andrew began to apply a nice, thick coat of wax, I pulled the minivan out of the garage and gave it a good scrub down as well.  As I finished drying the van, I heard him mutter something about, "Only $3?  That’s not bad for a year’s supply of wax."

I decided to pass the time until he finished by rinsing away the sidewalk chalk art that our children had lovingly applied to the siding on our house. 

Andrew still hadn’t finished.

I sprayed down the driveway until the cement looked like new.

Andrew still hadn’t finished.

He turned to me and said, "Did you know that this thing only cost $3?  And it’s a five year supply!"

I finally gave up procrastinating and decided to help out.  I’ve waxed cars before.  It is torture in its highest form.  So this was truly a sacrifice for me.

I grabbed a soft towel, applied some elbow grease, and began to rub the dried wax off of the car.  

An hour later, Andrew said, "$3 for a ten year supply?  That’s probably the best deal I’ve ever gotten from Walmart!"

Two hours later, the "wax off" jokes began to wear a little thin.  In my defense, humor is my self defense mechanism and my arms were sore, my back was killing me, and we were finishing this task up by the light of the street lamps.  The only chance I had of getting any relief at all was by cracking many, many, MANY crude, poorly assembled jokes.  So sue me.

Finally, FINALLY, we finished up at around 9:30. 

PM!

GARRRRGHHHH!!!

But I gotta admit, that Yaris is looking great.  If you need me, I’ll be crashed out in bed and chock full of tylenol! 

>/p>

No, Humor-Blogs.com.  You may not borrow the car Saturday night! 

Recently, I chose to open up to you and discuss briefly my ongoing battle with depression.  Living with depression isn’t easy, especially when there are other people in your life depending on your ability to function.  My children look up to me.  They need me.  Without me, they would subsist solely on mini wheat bagels and honey sandwiches.  They need me to hold them and laugh with them.  They need me to give them baths and dig clean clothes out of the laundry pile for them.  They need me to build waterparks for them.  But mostly, they need to see me smile.

And nothing would make me smile more than for you to vote for me in this week’s Mattress Police Caption Contest!  That’s right folks, I am once again nominated, mostly because I am consistently funny.  Though I am told that at times I can be downright amusing.  The contest runs through Thursday and the big winner will be announced on Friday.  Just look for "Fold My Laundry Please" on the voting ballot and click on the little bubble to the left and click on the "Vote" bar at the bottom of the ballot.  It’s just that easy!

Now this contest is not to be confused with voting for standings at Humor-Blogs.com.  Although I wouldn’t hate it if you voted for me on both things. 

So go on over and vote for Fold My Laundry Please!  If you won’t do it for me, then, please, do it for the children!

*On a serious note, depression is nothing to laugh at.  For more information about dealing with depression or helping a loved one through it, check out Depression.com.  It’s filled with treatment options, facts about medications, what to expect at doctor’s visits, and simple day to day living.*

For most of my life, I was a very skinny person.  Underweight even.  I think I topped out at a whopping 104 lbs in high school.  At 5 feet 6 inches tall (okay, so it’s really 5 feet 5 3/4 inches, but you know how it is), that’s very, VERY thin!  In fact, when I finally hit 130 (the recommended weight for a 5′6" tall woman) at the ripe old age of 23, I kind of freaked out a little bit.  I mean, criminy!  That’s HUGE!  Right? 

*sigh*

By the way…does anyone else think I’m BURNIN’ HOT in that picture?  Not just hot, but H-O-T, HAWT?  I mean, let’s be honest here.  YEEEOWZA!!!  Helllloooooo, 1991!!!

Ahem.  As I was saying.

The last decade has been busy for little ol’ me.  Not only have I gotten married to a wonderful man and given birth to four (yes, four) absolutely perfect children, but I’ve also moved no less than 11 times.  It can all be a little bit stressful.  And if there’s one thing my family knows how to do, it’s eat ourselves back to happy!  And I don’t mean tossing back celery sticks like they’re candy.  It’s more like tossing back candy like it’s celery sticks. 

Understandably, I’ve found myself in a place I’d rather not be right now.  And the problem is not entirely physical.  The stress I’ve been feeling has been building up and let’s just say that I’ve been flirting with depression for the last eight or so months.  (I now dub thee the Queen of Understatement!  Do you dub a queen?  I don’t really know.  Whatever)  One minute, I’m walking on clouds!  I’m 20 feet tall!  I…am the center of attention and I AM LOVIN’ IT!  I’m laughing and joking and the whole world smiles with me!  I’m positively GIDDY, for crying out loud!

Then someone will say something innocent, yet not exactly positive to me, like, "Your shoe is untied."

And I hold myself in check just barely long enough to leave the store or wherever and get to the parking lot before I turn into a sobbing, weeping WRECK!  I must look incredibly pitiful trying to maneuver four small children across a parking lot and into our minivan, mumbling through a flood of tears about, "My shoes!  MY SHOOOOOES!  They failed me!  I failed me!  I’m such a loser…a wuss…a FAILURE!  Why did they have to come untied?  WHY?  And in the middle of WALMART of all places!  I had to squat down, right there, in front of EVERYBODY, and retie them!  The shame!  The HUMILIATION of it!  The laces!  Oh, the lay-hay-hay-haaaaaces!"  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

But now I feel myself slowly pulling out of that place.  I find myself sitting in front of my computer, indulging in something high in sugars and fats and of no nutritional value whatsoever, and thinking, "Why am I eating this?  I’m not hungry.  And it stopped tasting good to me 20 or so bites ago."  I wake up in the morning and think, "What can I do with my day?"  I look in the mirror and instead of seeing a victim, I see something I can change.  I have begun to feel more like the skinny me, confident and fun to be around.  And I realize that I like me.  I like who I am and I like what I stand for.  I am an awesome human being!

This new found comfort I’ve discovered is a large part of why I decided to start this whole dance video thing in the first place.  (Finally, she gets to the point!)  I mean, feeling the way I do now is supposed to be normal, right?  Clearly, I am average…AMAZINGLY average!  Emphasis on the amazing part.  So there is absolutely no reason in the world why I should be ashamed of putting my ridiculously inept dance moves on the internet, especially if I am keeping good company on there!  Just think of it, a bunch of us, greeting each other like old friends, and dancing as though we do this all the time, only this time you filmed it and emailed it to me so that I can turn you from a group of individuals into a PARTY!

It’s a great idea!  I got tons of positive responses to the idea, so it must be true!

So why have I only received one video?

ONE VIDEO, PEOPLE!!

So far, the whole video is going to be just me and Arpeggio Andy dancing and the rest of you are going to be left kicking yourselves for not joining in.  (And by the way, Andy made a cool little badge for this video project and put it up on his blog.  Thanks, Andy!)  As it stands, there is just ONE WEEK LEFT to get your videos in!  I need them in by July 20th!   Although, if I get enough requests, I could be persuaded to move the date back a week or two.  But don’t bet on it!  Just go right now, capture your essence on film and send your submissions in to foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com and put the words, "Where On Earth" in the subject line.

Remember, I am a mother and being ignored DRIVES ME UP THE FLIPPIN’ WALL!

Don’t make me come back there! 

And in case you were wondering, I am still pushing for Humor-Blogs.com clicks, but the voting on posts thingy they’ve got now doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge my url.  Any suggestions, fellow Humor-Blog-o-philes? 

I can’t believe how fast Aubrey is growing up!  She’s turning into quite the little independent person!