Fold My Laundry Please

For most of my life, I was a very skinny person.  Underweight even.  I think I topped out at a whopping 104 lbs in high school.  At 5 feet 6 inches tall (okay, so it’s really 5 feet 5 3/4 inches, but you know how it is), that’s very, VERY thin!  In fact, when I finally hit 130 (the recommended weight for a 5′6" tall woman) at the ripe old age of 23, I kind of freaked out a little bit.  I mean, criminy!  That’s HUGE!  Right? 

*sigh*

By the way…does anyone else think I’m BURNIN’ HOT in that picture?  Not just hot, but H-O-T, HAWT?  I mean, let’s be honest here.  YEEEOWZA!!!  Helllloooooo, 1991!!!

Ahem.  As I was saying.

The last decade has been busy for little ol’ me.  Not only have I gotten married to a wonderful man and given birth to four (yes, four) absolutely perfect children, but I’ve also moved no less than 11 times.  It can all be a little bit stressful.  And if there’s one thing my family knows how to do, it’s eat ourselves back to happy!  And I don’t mean tossing back celery sticks like they’re candy.  It’s more like tossing back candy like it’s celery sticks. 

Understandably, I’ve found myself in a place I’d rather not be right now.  And the problem is not entirely physical.  The stress I’ve been feeling has been building up and let’s just say that I’ve been flirting with depression for the last eight or so months.  (I now dub thee the Queen of Understatement!  Do you dub a queen?  I don’t really know.  Whatever)  One minute, I’m walking on clouds!  I’m 20 feet tall!  I…am the center of attention and I AM LOVIN’ IT!  I’m laughing and joking and the whole world smiles with me!  I’m positively GIDDY, for crying out loud!

Then someone will say something innocent, yet not exactly positive to me, like, "Your shoe is untied."

And I hold myself in check just barely long enough to leave the store or wherever and get to the parking lot before I turn into a sobbing, weeping WRECK!  I must look incredibly pitiful trying to maneuver four small children across a parking lot and into our minivan, mumbling through a flood of tears about, "My shoes!  MY SHOOOOOES!  They failed me!  I failed me!  I’m such a loser…a wuss…a FAILURE!  Why did they have to come untied?  WHY?  And in the middle of WALMART of all places!  I had to squat down, right there, in front of EVERYBODY, and retie them!  The shame!  The HUMILIATION of it!  The laces!  Oh, the lay-hay-hay-haaaaaces!"  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

But now I feel myself slowly pulling out of that place.  I find myself sitting in front of my computer, indulging in something high in sugars and fats and of no nutritional value whatsoever, and thinking, "Why am I eating this?  I’m not hungry.  And it stopped tasting good to me 20 or so bites ago."  I wake up in the morning and think, "What can I do with my day?"  I look in the mirror and instead of seeing a victim, I see something I can change.  I have begun to feel more like the skinny me, confident and fun to be around.  And I realize that I like me.  I like who I am and I like what I stand for.  I am an awesome human being!

This new found comfort I’ve discovered is a large part of why I decided to start this whole dance video thing in the first place.  (Finally, she gets to the point!)  I mean, feeling the way I do now is supposed to be normal, right?  Clearly, I am average…AMAZINGLY average!  Emphasis on the amazing part.  So there is absolutely no reason in the world why I should be ashamed of putting my ridiculously inept dance moves on the internet, especially if I am keeping good company on there!  Just think of it, a bunch of us, greeting each other like old friends, and dancing as though we do this all the time, only this time you filmed it and emailed it to me so that I can turn you from a group of individuals into a PARTY!

It’s a great idea!  I got tons of positive responses to the idea, so it must be true!

So why have I only received one video?

ONE VIDEO, PEOPLE!!

So far, the whole video is going to be just me and Arpeggio Andy dancing and the rest of you are going to be left kicking yourselves for not joining in.  (And by the way, Andy made a cool little badge for this video project and put it up on his blog.  Thanks, Andy!)  As it stands, there is just ONE WEEK LEFT to get your videos in!  I need them in by July 20th!   Although, if I get enough requests, I could be persuaded to move the date back a week or two.  But don’t bet on it!  Just go right now, capture your essence on film and send your submissions in to foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com and put the words, "Where On Earth" in the subject line.

Remember, I am a mother and being ignored DRIVES ME UP THE FLIPPIN’ WALL!

Don’t make me come back there! 

And in case you were wondering, I am still pushing for Humor-Blogs.com clicks, but the voting on posts thingy they’ve got now doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge my url.  Any suggestions, fellow Humor-Blog-o-philes?