Fold My Laundry Please

It’s been awhile since I’ve shown my face around here!  Explanations are on the way, but not today.  Nope.  Today will be composed entirely of funny church stories.  

The scene:  The combined Relief Society/Priesthood meeting at church this morning.

The lesson topic:  Nurturing a Loving Marriage

Act I

Teacher:  Selfishness should have no part in a marriage.  A selfish person is never happy.

Husband (leaning over to whisper to me and sounding very concerned):  You’re not happy?

 Act II

Teacher:  So many things in life come with instruction manuals.  With how complicated marriage can be, I’ve always been surprised that it didn’t come with a manual, too.

Man in audience:  A manual wouldn’t do any good.  The woman would read the words and the man would just look at the pictures and that’s when the fighting starts.

Aaaaand…CUT!  Take a bow ladies and gentlemen.  You’ve earned it!

And as a final note, I am DESPERATE for your votes!  My absence has not gone unnoticed by the folks at Humor-blogs.com, so if you could pop on over, register (they don’t spam you, so don’t worry about that), and give me a smiley vote, it would be most appreciated!  Heart you!  Smooches!

I heard the funniest thing yesterday!  Okay, the story starts about 5 months ago when my husband was let go from his job with the state.  "Hello?  I heard you’ve been feeling a little too secure in life.  Mind if I pull the rug out from underneath you?  Thanks!"  This was followed by several months of wondering where the money to pay the bills was going to come from interspersed with plain old NOT paying some bills and trying not to answer the phone.  

Then, miracle of miracles, he got a job!  Yay!  Income!  (Insert big sigh of relief here.)  And my husband excelled at this job, of course.  And so, to show their appreciation for all the hard work he’s put in during the last two months, his boss called him into his office yesterday to speak with him.

Now here’s the funny part of the story.  After they spoke for a few minutes, Andrew called to fill me in on the gist of the conversation.  Basically it went like this.  "It’s not you, it’s the economy."  That’s right.  The company went over their finances to figure out where to cut corners and decided to let the new guy go.

Isn’t that HILARIOUS?!?!

Haha.  Heehee.  Ha!  Haha!!  HEEHEEHEEHEE!!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Or not.

If you don’t click here and give me a smiley, I might have to go all postal on…somebody.

Shhh!  It seems we’ve stumbled on a herd of wild Cheesadons!

It’s incredibly rare to see them anymore.  They’re nearly extinct.

They’re very social creatures.  See how the leaders of each group keep track of those in the back?

Uh oh.  What’s this?

Peebeejaysauruses!  You have to be VERY careful around this species!  They are aggressive and are mostly carnivorous!

See how they move in a protective formation?  SHHHHH!!  We don’t want to alarm them!

Let’s watch as the two groups vie for prime spots at the watering hole…

Careful now…no sudden movements…

Hey dudes!  Heard there was a party going down here!

You guys got any good grub?

Yeah, dudes!  We heard there was supposed to be hot chicks, too!

Yeah!  Where’s the chicks?

CHIPS!!!

Not chips, you moron!  Chicks!  You know?  Ladies?

Did someone say something about chips?

Hey buddy!  Wrong era!

Oh great!  Who let that guy in?

Hey everyone!  The dip’s here!

I’m tellin’ you guys, you gotta get one of these sandwich shaper thingys!  Not only are they endless hours of fun…

They also make dinner a ton of fun!

Humor-Blogs.com!  If you don’t click and give me a smiley, I’ll send my reptilian minions to come rip your arms off! 

Happy Halloween!

Alright, alright, so I’m a little behind on this.  But I have a good excuse.  I’ll give you a hint.  It starts with an "S" and it rhymes with "trep throat".  Give it a minute.  You’ll get it.  Well, you won’t GET IT get it, because BELIEVE ME, you should be so glad you don’t have it…unless you do have it, then I extend to you my sympathy…what I mean to say is that you’ll…under…stand…

Nevermind.

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah!  Halloween!  And my precious little Pumpkin Princess, my tiny Bat Princess, and my two Clone Troopers!  We tricked, we treated, we retured home victorious!  Yay, candy!  We did a circle around about half of our little neighborhood.   A.  Very.  Very.  Slow.  Circle.  Indeed.  I had Aubrey walk the whole way so that I wouldn’t kill my back carrying her around all night and she only has tiny little legs and there was sooooo very much to stop and look at.  Luckily, the older kids were incredibly patient with her as we moseyed our way along our route.  Of course, by the time we got near the end, she was so tired and her pumpkin bucket had gotten so heavy that she left it in somebody’s driveway and I had to run back and grab it.  (We’re taking on water fast!  Throw the cargo overboard!)  But she did great.  She smiled at everyone and burbled incessantly at anyone who would listen.  Of course, the instant we got back in the house she reached for her daddy and went limp in his arms, face full of tears.  Because mom TOOOORTURRRRRRED HERRRRR!!!!

Don’t worry.  A mini bag of M&M’s made everything allllll better.

And then the sickness took me.  Within about an hour.  And I spent the weekend either in bed or in the La-Z-Boy because being vertical was just WAY too much for me.  Fevers and sore throats and migraines…oh my!  Fortunately for me, Andrew didn’t catch it until I was feeling much better on Monday and so far the kids haven’t shown any signs of it.  Phew!  I’ll breathe a little easier once I finish sanitizing the house, though!

UPDATE!  Our original dianosis was arrived at through a few minutes spent with Dr. Google.  After visiting with an actual real life doctor, it turns out we did not have strep throat.  I’ll give you a hint what we did have, though.  It starts with an "S" and rhymes with "omething Viral".  So basically we were told to quit our whining and suck it up.   Oh, and drink plenty of fluids.

HUMOR-BLOGS.COM!!  CLICK!!  REGISTER!!  SMILEY ME!!

"Why do I have to sit here?"

"Because I’m the boss and you have to guard me while I do my homework!"

(Ethan also made Gideon stand guard outside of the bathroom when he had to take a potty break.)

Humor-Blogs.com.  Making people smile since…lemme check…2008.  2008?  That’s it?  Really?  *sigh*  Since 2008.