Fold My Laundry Please

We recently made the decision to get a television for our house.  We used to have one when we lived in Idaho, but when we moved, we decided we didn’t want to move it with us.  For the past two years, we’ve made do with watching movies on our computers and finding our favorite television shows on the internet.  It worked out really well for us and for the most part, we didn’t even miss it.  But we finally tired of plugging the xBox into our monitors so that the kids could play and hearing them cry about wanting to watch some movie or other when we were busy doing important things like blogging or checking our facebook pages.  And so we took a trip over to Walmart and found a modest little television.  It’s not even flat screen!  Can you imagine!

As soon as we got it home, we hooked everything up and plunked ourselves down on the couch for some quality zone-out time.  We watched the news, some cartoons, and figured out what channels we receive.  We didn’t spring for cable, but we get 33 different local channels here, including a movie channel, a cartoon channel, and one that shows only documentaries, so no big loss there.  Something we had all forgotten about, and quite frankly hadn’t missed, was the commercials.  There are so many more commercials during shows than I remember.  The kids are fascinated with them.  They’re like 30 second movies to them.  What that mini-movie is about, however, is so very different to a child than what the rest of us see.

Take this commercial for example:

To the adult eye, its humor would appear to derive from seeing a surgeon, a job which requires steady hands and a clear head, going on and on about how much he luuuuuurves him some bourbon.  But lo!  It is not the drink which he desires, but a tasty new Kentucky Bourbon burger from Carl’s Jr.  Ha!  Good show, Carl’s Jr.!

My son is seven.  All he saw when he watched it was a man carving up a human being and then enjoying a tasty meat patty covered in delicious toppings afterward.  And I quote, "EWWWWW!  HE’S EATING A MAN BURGER!"

Humor-Blogs.com thinks man burger sounds delicious!

I turned 34 years old this past Wednesday.  34.  It used to seem like such a big number.  Of course, at the time I was approximately 12 years old and you’re barely a human being at that point.  But now I’m 34.  So far, it’s not so bad.  It’s not quite old enough for me to feign senility when people I don’t like are talking to me, and I don’t yet get to check the box for the next age bracket on surveys, but somehow it feels more mature.  Like I’m one step closer to looking down and noticing that I spilled something down the front of my shirt sometime during that day and not giving a crap about it.  Just think of all the gas I’ll save not running home to change my clothes!  Now that’s freedom. 

Truth be told, turning 34 is pretty uneventful.  When you’re younger, each year is a milestone with the occasional EXTRA BIG MILESTONE thrown in for good measure.  When you turn 16, you get to drive.  When you turn 18, you can not only vote and buy cigarettes and lotto tickets, but you can also buy dry ice.  Dry ice, people.  Then comes the 21st birthday.  We’re not even gonna go there.  Finally, there’s the big 2-5 when you get to watch your car insurance rates drop dramatically.  And after that…

Well, there’s not much to look forward to until 55.  That’s when you get to start going to dinner at 4 pm to hit up the early bird special.  Mmmmm…meatloaf!  But first, a matinee.  At the senior rate please!  I am gonna ROCK the elderly scene!  I’ve already begun perusing canes with which to hit tap whippersnappers when I feel the need to impart some of the wisdom that comes with age.

Until then, I’m just going to curl up on the couch with a blanket and my new pile of graphic novels I got as presents.  Thank you, Andrew!  (I think he’s spying on me because he picked out the exact ones I wanted.  It’s spooky, really.) 

34.

As my Poppop Lopez used to say, "It’s better than the alternative."

Will you still vote for me on Humor-Blogs.com when I’m old and gray?

Me:  Isn’t it funny how Gideon drops to the ground whenever he gets startled?

Andrew:  And Ethan screams whenever he’s surprised.

Aurora (who is 3 years old and just happened to be walking through the room at the time):  Yeah.  He screams like a little girl.

Just because you’re my friend on Facebook now doesn’t mean you don’t have to vote for me on Humor-Blogs.com anymore.  Yeah, I’m talking to you!  Click it!  Click it now!

Today was the first day Aubrey was old enough to go into Nursery at church.

There were no tears.

Not one.

And no looking back.

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