Fold My Laundry Please

I am so excited about this I could spit!

So I was supposed to start editing together the big "Where On Earth" Video Dance Project on Monday, but I got busy with other things.  There was stuff like…cooking…and…cleaning…and…and…alright, ALRIGHT!  I procrastinated until the very last minute to get this done and seeing as it’s now close to 5 am, I’ll be paying for it all day tomorrow.  But!  It’s done!  And it’s FABULOUS!!  We ended up with a grand total of seven participants, which wasn’t nearly as many as I had hoped.  But that’s okay.  I just had to get my creative juices working…creatively.  Clearly I’m all out of creativity at this point.  And who can blame me?  IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

And so, without further delay, I give you the newly renamed…

"Dance Like No One’s Watching"

I think it turned out great, don’t you? 

Man, I’m tired. 

Humor-Blogs.com dances like a funny little monkey.  It’s true.   

For most of my life, I was a very skinny person.  Underweight even.  I think I topped out at a whopping 104 lbs in high school.  At 5 feet 6 inches tall (okay, so it’s really 5 feet 5 3/4 inches, but you know how it is), that’s very, VERY thin!  In fact, when I finally hit 130 (the recommended weight for a 5′6" tall woman) at the ripe old age of 23, I kind of freaked out a little bit.  I mean, criminy!  That’s HUGE!  Right? 

*sigh*

By the way…does anyone else think I’m BURNIN’ HOT in that picture?  Not just hot, but H-O-T, HAWT?  I mean, let’s be honest here.  YEEEOWZA!!!  Helllloooooo, 1991!!!

Ahem.  As I was saying.

The last decade has been busy for little ol’ me.  Not only have I gotten married to a wonderful man and given birth to four (yes, four) absolutely perfect children, but I’ve also moved no less than 11 times.  It can all be a little bit stressful.  And if there’s one thing my family knows how to do, it’s eat ourselves back to happy!  And I don’t mean tossing back celery sticks like they’re candy.  It’s more like tossing back candy like it’s celery sticks. 

Understandably, I’ve found myself in a place I’d rather not be right now.  And the problem is not entirely physical.  The stress I’ve been feeling has been building up and let’s just say that I’ve been flirting with depression for the last eight or so months.  (I now dub thee the Queen of Understatement!  Do you dub a queen?  I don’t really know.  Whatever)  One minute, I’m walking on clouds!  I’m 20 feet tall!  I…am the center of attention and I AM LOVIN’ IT!  I’m laughing and joking and the whole world smiles with me!  I’m positively GIDDY, for crying out loud!

Then someone will say something innocent, yet not exactly positive to me, like, "Your shoe is untied."

And I hold myself in check just barely long enough to leave the store or wherever and get to the parking lot before I turn into a sobbing, weeping WRECK!  I must look incredibly pitiful trying to maneuver four small children across a parking lot and into our minivan, mumbling through a flood of tears about, "My shoes!  MY SHOOOOOES!  They failed me!  I failed me!  I’m such a loser…a wuss…a FAILURE!  Why did they have to come untied?  WHY?  And in the middle of WALMART of all places!  I had to squat down, right there, in front of EVERYBODY, and retie them!  The shame!  The HUMILIATION of it!  The laces!  Oh, the lay-hay-hay-haaaaaces!"  I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

But now I feel myself slowly pulling out of that place.  I find myself sitting in front of my computer, indulging in something high in sugars and fats and of no nutritional value whatsoever, and thinking, "Why am I eating this?  I’m not hungry.  And it stopped tasting good to me 20 or so bites ago."  I wake up in the morning and think, "What can I do with my day?"  I look in the mirror and instead of seeing a victim, I see something I can change.  I have begun to feel more like the skinny me, confident and fun to be around.  And I realize that I like me.  I like who I am and I like what I stand for.  I am an awesome human being!

This new found comfort I’ve discovered is a large part of why I decided to start this whole dance video thing in the first place.  (Finally, she gets to the point!)  I mean, feeling the way I do now is supposed to be normal, right?  Clearly, I am average…AMAZINGLY average!  Emphasis on the amazing part.  So there is absolutely no reason in the world why I should be ashamed of putting my ridiculously inept dance moves on the internet, especially if I am keeping good company on there!  Just think of it, a bunch of us, greeting each other like old friends, and dancing as though we do this all the time, only this time you filmed it and emailed it to me so that I can turn you from a group of individuals into a PARTY!

It’s a great idea!  I got tons of positive responses to the idea, so it must be true!

So why have I only received one video?

ONE VIDEO, PEOPLE!!

So far, the whole video is going to be just me and Arpeggio Andy dancing and the rest of you are going to be left kicking yourselves for not joining in.  (And by the way, Andy made a cool little badge for this video project and put it up on his blog.  Thanks, Andy!)  As it stands, there is just ONE WEEK LEFT to get your videos in!  I need them in by July 20th!   Although, if I get enough requests, I could be persuaded to move the date back a week or two.  But don’t bet on it!  Just go right now, capture your essence on film and send your submissions in to foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com and put the words, "Where On Earth" in the subject line.

Remember, I am a mother and being ignored DRIVES ME UP THE FLIPPIN’ WALL!

Don’t make me come back there! 

And in case you were wondering, I am still pushing for Humor-Blogs.com clicks, but the voting on posts thingy they’ve got now doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge my url.  Any suggestions, fellow Humor-Blog-o-philes? 

I sat down at my computer this morning to check my e-mail, and what did I see?  The first video submission for the "Where On Earth" video project was sent in by Arpeggio Andy!  Hip, hip, hooray!  Now it feels like this thing is actually gonna happen!  I have been harboring a secret worry that I would have to make the kids dance and the whole video would be clips of me and my children.  It looks like the kids are off the hook…for now!  I’m still gonna make them dance, just not for this particular video! 

So now I’m just waiting for the rest of you.  You know who you are!  That’s right…EVERYONE!!  I’m looking at everyone!  Except Andy, of course.  (Hi, Andy!)  Remember, I need your videos by July 20th!!  Only three weeks left to go!  So get on out there and dance!

Dance I say! 

I’m still waiting for your videos, Humor-Blogs.com! 

I am not a good loser.  I know that I’m supposed to compete "for the fun of it" and that "winning isn’t everything" and that "it’s an honor just to be nominated", but I’ve been nominated a couple of times now and have won exactly ZERO TIMES!  Part of me says, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, therefore entering this contest again would be insane."  But another part of me says, "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again!", and, "Just keep swimming!", and other annoyingly perky epithets.  It kind of makes me want to vomit. 

What contest, you ask?  Why, it’s the weekly caption contest over at Mattress Police.  Each week, Diesel doctors up a pictures from a recently released movie by placing himself somewhere in the scene.  Then the readers get a chance to assign that picture a witty caption.  Diesel’s wife then picks out her ten favorite captions, and a voting post is put up so that all of the readers can vote for their favorite.  The winner receives a copy of his book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police, along with a badge to put up on their blog and hitherto unknown internet fame.  Now, it just so happens that I am a fairly witless witty person, so I submit a few suggestions for the pictures from time to time.  This week was no different.  Something else that is not different is that fact that I have exactly two votes so far, one from my husband (mostly because I sent him the link and told him to vote for me OR ELSE) and one from myself.  This means that I am falling behind in the polls by quite a bit.

And so, despite the fact that I have already asked one GINORMOUSLY HUGE favor of you guys this week, I would also like to ask you to head on over to this week’s contest and click on the little bubble next to the name of my blog.  My caption may not seem very funny to those of you who don’t regularly read Diesel’s blog, but trust me, it’s HILARIOUS!

So please, go vote for me. Iwould like to at least get more than 2 votes this time!

DON’T FORGET!  All video submissions need to be sent to me at foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com by July 20th.  Please put "Where On Earth" in the subject line and be sure to include name, city and state, and your site name (if you have one) in your email.

Don’t forget to click here, too!  That wasn’t hard, now is it? 

I was commenting on Claudia’s blog today when I had a thought.  And it was a good thought!  A fun thought!  I think.  But it’s going to take all of you (plus any of your readers who you can convince to read this blog post and join in the fun) to pull it off, otherwise it might be kind of lame.  Okay, here’s my idea…

I’m sure most of you have heard of Matt.  I saw his latest video on Claudia’s blog this morning.  Check it out.

Basically, what Matt does is travel from one exotic location to another, taking the time to film himself dancing badly someplace visually stunning.  He goes all over the world and, I’m sure, makes a megaton of friends along the way!  This is actually my dream job.  Because I, too, am capable of dancing poorly.  Plus, I love to travel. 

So I want to find out more about you guys.  I would TOTALLY LOVE IT if each of you would film yourselves dancing badly and send it to me.  I would then compile all the videos and put it to music, ala Matt.  You could be dancing in your house, in your yard, at your favorite restaurant, at a nearby tourist trap, basically anyplace that says a little something about you.  And I don’t even care what you wear in the video, whether it’s your favorite pair of jammies or a three piece suit.  As long as all your naughty bits are covered.  This is a family blog, after all.  It would be a sort of "Where On Earth Are All My Peeps?"  Or possibly a better title, but you get the drift.

So I’m TOTALLY EXCITED about the idea!  It could actually work!  I’ll even give everyone plenty of time to film themselves and send it to me.  Say…4 weeks.  Does that work for you guys?  Just send me your videos by Sunday, July 20th. I’ll work on the video starting on Monday the 21st, so be sure to get them in on time!  You can send them to foldmylaundryplease@gmail.com and be sure to put "Where On Earth" in the subject line so that I can easily filter them out of all the millions of other very important e-mails I receive.

The tech specs: 

• Try to send a Quiktime version of your video.  I have a Mac and Quiktime videos are easiest for me to work with.  If you can’t make it Quiktime, I’m sure I can figure it out, so send it anyway. 
• The videos you send should be 1 - 2 minutes long.  That way I’ll be able pull the best bit out of it for the final film.
• Some people are shy.  You do not have to say a single word on your video.  You can even look away from the camera and pretend you’re somewhere, ANYWHERE, else.  But please don’t cover your face!  I wanna see your smiling mug!  You handsome devil, you!
• By sending me your videos, you are signing the rights for them over to me.  I will not be using it to make any money, so don’t expect any royalties.  The only payment you could ever hope to receive is my eternal gratitude and, possibly, some extra traffic to your site.
• I will have complete discretionary control over what clips from your video I choose to put in the final film, so don’t send anything that will keep you from running for office someday.  I’m just sayin’.
• Remember that old saying?  The one that says something about "Dance like no one’s watching"?  Do that!  Dance like the wind!

I cannot stress this last point strongly enough…

ANY VIDEOS I RECEIVE THAT ARE PORNOGRAPHIC IN NATURE OR THAT DEPICT THE USE OF ILLICIT DRUGS, ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, OR THE DESTRUCTION OF PUBLIC PROPERTY WILL NOT MAKE IT INTO THE VIDEO!!  IN FACT, THEY WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DEEESTROOOOOOOYYYED!!!!! 

Be sure to include some ideas about the title of our film and a link to your blog or website if you have one.  You don’t have to have a blog to participate, anyone is welcome to play along, but maybe I can send a little traffic your way if you do.  And PLEASE, tell your friends/readers about this project!  The more videos I get the better the final product will be!  And I don’t have that many readers, myself.

I’ll keep you updated on our progress right here at Fold My Laundry Please. 

Now get out there and dance badly!

All authors and readers from Humor-Blogs.com are also invited to participate!  Come play with us!